The Wrong Question

I used to applaud myself on how open I was. I loved the odd, strange, and social outcasts. Perhaps I was identifying with people like myself, but I thought I was some sort of evolved Christian with special prophetic insights.

Maybe I was; because I knew something still wasn't right with this gospel message ministry church thing. It wasn't working for me or anyone else who was being honest.

It is funny what you see when you look backwards in time. What I thought was inclusive, loving, and helpful was probably closer to exclusive, arrogant, and absent.

Sure, I was inclusive of some of the socially unacceptable; because I identified with them. They were fun and intelligent and I felt accepted.

Sure, I showed love; when it suited me or it was on my timetable. I loved on church days, emails, and some phone calls. We could hang on Friday nights if i really liked you. Maybe. You're welcome. Sometimes I think I loved from a mental perch set up above others, because I was obviously more evolved.

I put up my own walls. Yes, I was pushing some boundaries, but it was really an edgy version of the standard institutional line. Ooh look at me, I'm not wearing a tie and have piercings; and I'm still saved. Simpletons.

I was still concerned with who's in and who's out.

Of course I was slamming the institutional church. It is easy to be negative, and shamefully fun. Like Christianity needed me to be it's bad boy or something. I was actually building walls on two ends; a wall for the institution and a wall for those who were too liberal for my tastes.

It takes a lot of time and effort to keep all of that straight.

I do not claim to be perfect now, but I am more aware of what it means to be a friend and to allow anyone who wants to be there to share in the community. Anyone.

I have made an intentional effort to not engage in the who's in and who's out argument. Unless I'm telling someone that they're in.

Because it is the wrong question. It is a question designed to keep people out of the Kingdom; to elevate ourselves by standing on the laid open carcasses of exclusivity.

Maybe all of those sermons on the great commission have stuck with me. It is still important to me to share this story, this life of hope. I'm thankful that i understand it a little bit better.