Culture Versus Christian

These church signs are the best

My Week As A Church Sign Guy on CollegeHumor

Have you ever use an inflated word or added a suffix that didn't belong try to sound bright? Have you ever got called on it in a very public setting?

Twitter is great because we get to see people disagree in hilarious ways.

No disrespect intended to @tonyjones or @piratechristian. This exchange was just funny.

Thanks to James at theCondition.net for the picture.

I've been saying I'll get away from these kind of stories, but Robertson always makes me shake my head. Whether he is laying blame on certain people for 911 attacks or speculating why Haiti had a earthquake, Robertson never fails to disappoint Christians.

Granted, he isn't as much as a jerk as times pasts, button the insinuation bothers me - God hit the smote button and killed a bunch of people.

Sometimes we have an unreasonable expectation of what the Bible promises - like God is a cosmic Santa Claus who will shower us with rainbows and puppies if we pray.

Below is a link to a comical review on a bible at amazon.com. The post uses the logic that the bible is a user manual for cool swag.

http://makeuseof.com/tech-fun/amazon-review-this-book-doesnt-work

A lady came to my office and asked me to transfer some pictures from a camera for a project we're doing. We were just chatting when she said something about her church.

She had made several references to her church, Jesus, and some other religious statements so I went ahead, for the sake of conversational politeness, and asked the question I'm sure she would hope I would ask.

"Where do you go to church," I asked.

The computer was transferring really slow. Painfully slow.

For the next twenty minutes she told me about her mother dying. Her mother died of grief because her brother had tragically died in a car crash three months before the died. The father died three years before of lung cancer.

It was all okay because they were all saved.

Now, I'm sorry this all happened. I know it was painful. So why would anyone bring this up to a perfect stranger?

But there is a brother in the hospital who overdosed on a whole lot of medicine because he couldn't handle the death of the mother, father, and other brother.

I'm sure the brother will be saved because her son is some sort of biblical prodigy who can recite the evangelical points of prayer.

I was starting to panic. The transfer was no where near finished. I could not interject. Sister Tragedy would not shut up.

She went on to spout of every religious cliche based on bad theology. I wondered if she had ever listened to herself before. If it was possible to believe this stuff like that. I wondered if I had ever sounded like. I'm sure I have.

She went on and on and continued to get louder. In my office. Where other people work.

I only asked where she went to church. I didn't need a twenty minute monologue. Its not fun. Not conversational.

The transfer finished and I nudged her toward the elevator door as she kept talking. The assistant in the area saw what was happening, looked and me, and chuckled. The assistant knew what was going on and how I felt about these things. This made me chuckle and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing while she was asking me to pray for her brother.

She said goodbye as the elevator shut. I turned around to the assistant and lost it. I told her I was just ear raped by a religitard.

In a former life I was a trendy Christian musician and worked in radio. After years of playing, being around the scene, and working in a Christian radio, I stopped listening to music.

The ratio of good CCM tunes to bad was mind numbing. Seriously, after ten years "Jesus Freak" from DC Talk was still considered current in some circles.

I was a D.J. about the time "I Can Only Imagine" was fresh to the ears. Worship music was also becoming a big industry. It became so big, that four songs were record by 30 different artists.

"Coming up, Open the Eyes of my Heart from Sonic Flood, followed by Open the Eyes of my Heart from the Newsboys!"

So I became sick of music. After years of buying nothing but Christian records, pushing the trends of the modern church, I was done. I didn't want to hear anything.

This happens to fans of any sort of music, but this was my experience. I quit listening to music. I was out of radio and could not stand the thought of listening to music on any station because I easily tired of a stations 40 songs repeating over and over. Occasionally I would come across an artist I liked, but work days became full of talk radio and podcasts.

The discovery of the music social network Pandora opened my ears back up. The services allows you to customize stations around your tastes. I was up to the challenge.

The first station I created contained Weezer and Flaming Lips. Other artists that Pandora thought I would enjoy played is this station. This kept me entertained for weeks. Then I wanted some Dave Matthews. Pandora played a completely different list. Songs from one station rarely played in the other.

Then I got nostalgic for my old Christian music that I had abandoned. I hoped that Pandora could turn me on to new bands that I could enjoy.

I made a station with Five Iron Frenzy, Plankeye, and a few obscure others. I soon became sick.

Since these bands were part of the Christian scene, music from all Christian genres played. While I like FIF, I did not want to hear Switchfoot. Pandora allows the user the give a song a thumbs down. Normally, this will prevent similar songs from playing, but Christian music is lumped together. It was like listening to MXPX made you a Chris Tomblin fan.

So I thumbed down Switchfoot because I'm not a huge fan. Two songs later another Switchfoot song came up. I thumbed it down. The next song was from Switchfoot. I thumbed it down. Relient K - okay good enough. Six songs later.. Switchfoot. Thumbs down. Then - Bride.. Bride? Bride from 20 years ago... really.. Pandora thinks I would like that based on my previous likes/dislikes?

So I went directly to Pandora's Christian Rock station. At this point I thought that I just didn't like anything. I thumbed down anything I didn't like. I tried to be objective, if this was the first time I heard the song, I would let it play and make a decision the next time around.

So after weeks of customizing stations I have come to the conclusion that I do not like the majority of Christian music. The irritating part is that there was so little to choose from? Why do the same artists continue to play? Why is there only one brand of Christian rock?

One of the fun things about blogging is calling people heretics. It can be funny. Let's be honest, I've had a track record of making fun of people, and I'll own that.

Last week I went to Poets, Prophets, and Preachers conference with Rob Bell. Bell is controversial to some. I had heard all of the accusations concerning his theology. I attended the conference because I was curious, and he's a great preacher regardless of his theology and I knew I could learn something about the art of the sermon.

I walked away from the conference with no ill thoughts at all. Perhaps I have been sucked in, but I doubt it. And even when I disagree a little, I'm not willing to label him a heretic.

But what if I did? I know of heretics. Some of them I would like to hit in the head with a bat if I could. I'm so evolved, full of the peace of Jesus.

Then it dawned on me - heretics help us to solidify our faith because we know what we believe. So let the heresy go on. I'll call it out and reaffirm.

In an effort to encourage you to read your bible, I present the Bible Drinking Game. The Bible is full of funny, disturbing, and repetitive events. Take a drink of your favorite beverage anytime to come across one of these events. For the sake of moderation, and those who do not drink at all, I suggest espresso shots.

Drink every time:

• Jesus has a reason to roll his eyes at the Pharisees.
• David murders someone.
• Sex goes horribly wrong.
• A prophets runs away or cries.
• There is an earthquake in the book of Revelation.
• Paul talks in circles before getting to a point.
• Peter screws up.
• Someone laughs at the work of God

Have more? Leave a comment. We'll add the best ones to the list.

Imaging going on a youth retreat and someone gets killed.  Imagine being the leader that has to figure out if that cookie cutter permission form was worth anything.

Police: Volunteer behind church retreat slaying - Crime & courts- msnbc.com