I used to applaud myself on how open I was. I loved the odd, strange, and social outcasts. Perhaps I was identifying with people like myself, but I thought I was some sort of evolved Christian with special prophetic insights.

Maybe I was; because I knew something still wasn't right with this gospel message ministry church thing. It wasn't working for me or anyone else who was being honest.

It is funny what you see when you look backwards in time. What I thought was inclusive, loving, and helpful was probably closer to exclusive, arrogant, and absent.

Sure, I was inclusive of some of the socially unacceptable; because I identified with them. They were fun and intelligent and I felt accepted.

Sure, I showed love; when it suited me or it was on my timetable. I loved on church days, emails, and some phone calls. We could hang on Friday nights if i really liked you. Maybe. You're welcome. Sometimes I think I loved from a mental perch set up above others, because I was obviously more evolved.

I put up my own walls. Yes, I was pushing some boundaries, but it was really an edgy version of the standard institutional line. Ooh look at me, I'm not wearing a tie and have piercings; and I'm still saved. Simpletons.

I was still concerned with who's in and who's out.

Of course I was slamming the institutional church. It is easy to be negative, and shamefully fun. Like Christianity needed me to be it's bad boy or something. I was actually building walls on two ends; a wall for the institution and a wall for those who were too liberal for my tastes.

It takes a lot of time and effort to keep all of that straight.

I do not claim to be perfect now, but I am more aware of what it means to be a friend and to allow anyone who wants to be there to share in the community. Anyone.

I have made an intentional effort to not engage in the who's in and who's out argument. Unless I'm telling someone that they're in.

Because it is the wrong question. It is a question designed to keep people out of the Kingdom; to elevate ourselves by standing on the laid open carcasses of exclusivity.

Maybe all of those sermons on the great commission have stuck with me. It is still important to me to share this story, this life of hope. I'm thankful that i understand it a little bit better.

I've been in church my whole life, but the first community I feel a part of is the small groups of the Edge and Ink, and I can't help but think that this is what Christ really intended for us as the 'church'. Living together, journeying together, helping and loving each other. Not JUST showing up to a service 1 to 4 times a week, but being actively involved with people's lives. It's the earliest form of the church, and even Jesus had his community with the disciples.

I mean, think about it, we're supposed to be salt and light to the world - to make the world a better place and to preserve it from decay - what's the best way to do that other than to be involved with peoples' lives? The biggest impact we have is with the people we choose to befriend and discover God with. I used to be supportive of big churches, but now that I'm involved with a couple small communities, I wonder how much of my Christian life I've missed out on. I'm still not AGAINST large churches, but I think the way they're done (or my experience with them) misses a mark. It removes a lot of things from the walk. For example, accountability, questioning, fellowshipping... I've heard it say during services, "Turn around, shake hands and fellowship with people around you." But can you really "fellowship" with people in the 2 seconds it takes to shake a hand with a stranger? Can you really welcome someone by smiling, ushering them to a seat and then letting them sit, alone in a church to listen to a few songs and hear someone preach some sermon that they may or may not understand?

Yes, yes, I know Jesus preached to the multitudes, but after preaching to those multitudes, do you really think people walked away and said nothing? Or do you think they walked back to their homes, discussing the things they heard this radical "Rabbi" teach? Where do you think the most prominant understandings of his teaching came - while they were listening or on the journey home discussing them (and in 2 instances carrying home leftovers!)

Even the disciples looked to Jesus on more than one occasion and basically said, "I don't understand." And Jesus would sit down and break down the parables' meanings. People say they wish they could've been there for the sermon on the mount, but I'm learning that I would rather have been there around the fire after the sermon was preached and said, "Hey Jesus, you said something like, 'blessed are the poor in spirit,' what exactly did you mean by that. I know what I thought, but can you be more clear?" or "Man, Jesus, did you SEE the face on the Pharisees when you said ! That was hilarious! You really hit it to them. I've heard their teachings all my life, but your words... wow. Can you tell it to me again? I want to make sure I understand it right.

Bringing it back to modern day, which is more important - sitting through a service that may seem foreign to you, or sitting down and trying to understand the teachings of Jesus together? Giving God a few hours of our time on Sunday morning/night/Wednesday, or sharing our lives one with another for more than an hour and a half at a time?

I'm not gonna lie. It's harder. You can't wear your 'church face' the whole time when you spend that extra time with people. You will see ugly things. You will see that the people that appeared "holy" are no different than you. It keeps you humble, human, grounded. There will be disagreements, arguments, offenses.... There will be heart break as one member of the group's heart breaks and you're there for them.Your worst side may be brought out...

But on the flip side to all this, you will feel more comfortable in your humanity and realize that it's not about the 'church face,' but it's okay to be you. You will see beautiful things. You can learn that maybe you're not right about it all - that you don't have all the answers and that that's okay. You will rejoice when others rejoice. Your best side will be brought out... and best of all, you realized that you're not alone. It's easy to walk into a modern day church service and feel alone, but when you're in community, others around you should be able to pick up that burden for you, to make you feel welcome and involved, or comforted, but mostly to know that you're not in this thing alone. We're here to help you. We're here for you.

Jesus understood that. The early Church understood that. Why do you think Paul wrote 3/4 of the New Testament? He was writing to the different communities he had been involved in. That's why he always started or summed up with a list of names of who he wanted to say hi to. Names we skip over. They were people that had probably brought something to Paul's life because they were willing to sit down and earnestly search the scriptures over meals, sharing their lives with him and even in his absence, he knew and felt their part in his life.

Thank you Ink Church and The Edge for teaching me about true community. For being there as I sift through the beliefs that I've had and still have, for journeying with me as I find out that I don't have all the answers, and that it's okay.

Disclaimer: I like to goof on things; even things I do and am a part of.

I've often accused the church of using language at no one else understands. We have phrases, terminology, and inflections that convey meaning to a very small group of people.

Aware of that, we have tried to use different language to convey meaning while accidentally forming a new version of the thing we disapproved. There are words we have forsaken like for example, the word forsaken. Some because just hate using the old language. Others times the old language has a negative meaning for us.

So here is my list of words we intentionally have quit using, and the words we have replaced them with:

We no longer have church services. That sounds like work.
Now we have gatherings.

We used to be in a walk with God. Now we're on a journey

We don't go to church. We are the church and the church is everywhere. We do belong to Communities. Our communities like to serve but we'll probably say that we are engaging something.

The world has been replaced by the culture. Gone are the days of staying away from this ol world. We now recognize that we have to engage the culture.

Sometimes we don't have our own building and we meet wherever we can. There is no church house but that is okay, twe are into creating space for people. Not necessarily a physical place, but a space to communicate.

Since everyone with a bible and a bad haircut have claimed to be called, we like to say we are compelled to do something. I am compelled to start this new community so that we can gather to provide a space to engage the culture and help them in their journey.

Wow that last one was forced.